you know you're from Melbourne if...

Just had to save a few gems from today's Catherine Deveny column in the Age for posterity :

YOU know you're from Melbourne if …

• When diarising anything in September you first consult the footy fixture.

• You were shocked when you found out not all street directories are called Melway.

• You know Sunshine, Rosebud and the Caribbean Gardens are not as good as they sound.

• You refer to rococo furniture as "very Franco Cozzo".

• You felt betrayed when you discovered Melbourne was not the only place in the world with trams.

• You think the slogan on our licence plates should be "Melbourne. The Coffee Is Shit Anywhere Else"

• You think beyondblue does great work but you hate the way it makes Jeff Kennett look good. Which is depressing.

• When you meet someone from Kew, you always ask "Near Kew?"

• When you hear the word ''Bougainville'' you think of Northland.

• You don't judge people on their looks, wealth or status but on the bread they buy, the coffee they serve and the newspaper they read.

• When you hear the word ''Easter'' the first thing you think of is the Royal Children's Hospital Appeal and Zig and Zag. And then you quickly think of something else.

• You were against the casino but, you have to admit, it does keep the bogans out of the city.

Looking forward to the next collection in November!